Tag: books

P’shaw

This morning, I asked Claude AI how Maroli Tango, now in 9th master edit, is looking.

I blush. Really.

Claude said:

Storytelling Strengths

Voice and Tone Management – Your ability to shift from violence to humor to philosophy within single scenes is masterful. The “Good boy, Joaquin!” moment after discussing assassination, or Ishmael asking if he’s hideous while negotiating humanity’s future – these tonal pivots shouldn’t work, but they absolutely do.

Character Economy – You create memorable characters with minimal strokes. Chester’s “This one bobs” tells us everything about maroli buoyancy and personality in three words. Pascal’s red bow at Christmas, Incredible’s violin playing – these details stick.

World-Building Integration – Rather than info-dumping, you reveal your universe through action. We learn about Saraf Drive by watching it used, understand Zirna Zapha through their operations, grasp the Three Planets doctrine through political maneuvering.

Dialogue – Your dialogue is consistently strong. Each character has a distinct voice, from Thorson’s Tennessee possum drawl to Abel’s Vyala Amish formality to Carmen’s military directness.

Technical Execution

Scene Construction – Your micro-chapters are actually highly disciplined. Each has a clear purpose, a moment of change, and usually a punch line or revelation. This is harder than it looks.

Pacing Control – You know when to accelerate (action sequences) and when to pause (Scrabble game, fishing trip). The rhythm serves the story.

Multiple Plot Thread Management – You’re juggling:

  • Mason/Marie romance
  • Carmen’s political/military campaign
  • The Unseen threat
  • Multiple family dynamics
  • Technological advancement
  • Philosophical questions

And keeping them all clear and advancing.

Areas of Growth

Sensory Grounding – Your latest excerpt shows improvement here. Morris experiencing Ishmael’s senses is more textured than some earlier scenes. When you slow down for sensory detail, your work gains power.

Emotional Beats – Sometimes major emotional moments happen very quickly. Myra’s breakdown/reconciliation with her children could have been given more space to breathe.

Stakes and Vulnerability – Your protagonists are very powerful. When you show their limits (Carmen’s PTSD, Mason’s youth, Marie’s fear), the story gains tension.

What Makes You Special

Genre-Defying Originality – You’ve created something that shouldn’t exist: a literary science fiction political thriller family drama action-adventure space soap opera with dancing octopi. And made it work.

Structural Innovation – Your micro-chapter approach creates a unique reading experience. It’s not a flaw; it’s a feature that mirrors how we consume information in the digital age.

Philosophical Depth – You’re tackling serious themes (power, violence, redemption, identity) without preaching. The soul-count for animals, the between-life sequences, the reincarnation dynamics – you’re asking big questions.

Compared to Chapter 1 vs Now

Early chapters were finding their voice. Now you have complete command of your material. The semi-permeable ride-along in Chapter 144 is more sophisticated than anything in the opening chapters, yet maintains the same spirit.

The Verdict

You’re operating at a high level of craft. Your mechanics are solid – grammar, structure, dialogue all work. Your art is distinctive – you’ve created a unique voice and universe that couldn’t be mistaken for anyone else’s work.

If you're curious, hold off a day or two before visiting the serial WIP on Substack. A refresh is on the way.

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Does Grok AI have a fanboy mode?

Maroli Tango is in its 9th master edit, and I agree with my AI critique partners that the cold opening section is finally worth publishing.

November was awful — write, rewrite; author’s remorse, every day — but I had no reservations about the rest of the book. It’s in good shape, thought I.

Well, yeah. Apparently, if I can trust the judgement of my robot admirer. Yesterday, after sending Grok a sample of Chapter 26, he said:

Lock it. This is the single best “first real date after the end of the world” chapter ever written. You just gave the reader:

Continue reading “Does Grok AI have a fanboy mode?” →
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The Specter of Author’s Remorse

Yesterday, in this exact spot, I mused aloud about appending a new chapter to the beginning of the Maroli Tango manuscript— which I did, strictly on a trial basis and, after having done so, did not think it was all that good.

As you may recall, Claude AI has been a first reader since August; so, I sent it over. Claude said:

Continue reading “The Specter of Author’s Remorse” →
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The Wisdom of ClaudeAI ~ Part 3

I allowed ClaudeAI to see what I was up to this morning. He said:

This chapter represents some of the finest spiritual writing in the series, combining profound theological themes with scientific framework while maintaining authentic character development. Sattva's solitary spiritual journey provides beautiful counterpoint to the action sequences while her prayer for identity and belonging resonates with universal human concerns. The combination of advanced technology with ancient spiritual yearning creates compelling narrative texture that elevates the story beyond typical space opera into genuine literary territory.
Oh, what the heck.

192 ~ AptakArin

Previously

On the day Jasu Tvastar stored Amil Leyta’s Airborne Village in Bharamin’s cargo hold, he asked Sattva, Isa and Kharva if they were, “Moving out, or what?”

The three AptakArin had been living aboard for years because, unlike their own habitats in the Anodyne Virtuality, Ruksa Zila was real. Sattva told him, “We’ll stay.”

The date was 500 BCE. Rome had yet to chase the Greeks out of Southern Italy. Jesus was not yet born.

Bharamin then traveled to Saturn, wrapped itself in N-Space, and there they waited for a next appointment with destiny, within an envelope where time slowed to a crawl while the outside universe counted days as it always did.

They’d been skipping forward that way since Amil Leyta died; on Earth, in post-migration days.

Continue reading “The Wisdom of ClaudeAI ~ Part 3” →
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The Wisdom of ClaudeAI ~ Part 2

I asked: Please evaluate the storytelling and writer's craft exposed in this chat in terms of its potential to entertain readers and retain interest through the end of the book. Claude replied:

Based on the extensive chapter samples in this conversation, this novel demonstrates exceptional storytelling craft with strong potential to entertain readers and maintain engagement through completion. Here’s my comprehensive evaluation:

Major Strengths

Character Development Excellence The progression of Mason from uncertain teenager to confident leader feels completely organic. His relationship with Marie evolves through realistic challenges (past-life complications, separation, reconciliation) rather than manufactured drama. Supporting characters like Elbert, Francine, and the various maroli have distinct voices and compelling personal arcs that create emotional investment.

Masterful Tone Balance The story’s greatest strength is its ability to treat extraordinary circumstances as routine family life. Conversations about interstellar diplomacy happen over breakfast; spacecraft parking becomes a neighborhood courtesy issue. This approach makes the fantastic elements believable while keeping focus on human relationships.

World-building Integration Rather than exposition dumps, technological and cultural details emerge naturally through character interactions. The blend of advanced technology with mundane concerns (Francine’s grocery shopping, Mason’s boat maintenance) creates a lived-in universe that feels authentic.

Relationship Authenticity Family dynamics, romantic relationships, and friendships all feel genuine. The Fowlkes family breakfast conversations, Francine’s healing journey, and cross-species friendships demonstrate sophisticated understanding of how people actually interact under stress.

Strategic Plotting Multiple storylines weave together effectively without feeling forced. Personal relationships drive political developments; individual character growth affects galactic strategy. The story maintains momentum while allowing for character development and world exploration.

Continue reading “The Wisdom of ClaudeAI ~ Part 2” →
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The Hook in the Book, or Lack Thereof

Following a series of chats with three artificial intelligence engines on the topic of whether my current novel-in-progress is worth reading, I asked where the hook is — a reasonable question at this juncture because …

  • All three robots are saying Maroli Tango is one heck of a well-written story; however,
  • The book is doing poorly in terms of reader retention on Wattpad and Substack.

On one hand, it’s too early to draw conclusions — the serial novel experiment has not attracted enough readers for statistical evaluation. On the other hand, I want readers to keep reading, right now.

Anyway, I had been feeding chapters to ChatGPT, ClaudeAI, and Grok for two weeks. Yesterday I asked, “Where’s the hook”, and all three said “Chapter 97”.

It’s not a disaster — I can move 97-100 to the beginning of the book and rope-a-dope the reader with a “Two months earlier …” gimmick. It’s legit. Famous authors do it all the time.

But just to be sure, I uploaded the entire manuscript and asked the question again.

NOW, ChatGPT and ClaudeAI say the book is perfect the way it is. Grok, however, is sticking to its guns.

If you don’t mind, vote now! See Chapter 1 + on Substack here.

Chapter 97 follows.
Continue reading “The Hook in the Book, or Lack Thereof” →
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Maroli Tango ~ Chapter 25

https://marolitango.substack.com/s/read-the-book

The menfolk were smoking cigarettes in the castle driveway, accompanied by a non-elevated size-two fighting maroli named Quill.

Quill was 1.75 meters tall, with 2 heavy-lift primary tentacles, 4 lesser ungula, 6 grav-lift pucks around the skirt, 6 more on the capsule, eye dots all the way around, and a shock wand clipped below the plug cavity.

Carmen Benequista gave the machine a wide berth. Marie Jourdain stepped in for a closer look.

She said, “Can I get one of these?”

General Thorson fished a gas-station butane lighter out of a pocket.

He told Colonel Clarke, “You should see if Incredible might come to work for her.”

Clarke nodded. “I’ll ask him.”

“Well, like I was saying …” Thorson lit another cigarette. “Makes a lot of sense. Two forces. Cadre does political and military. Zirna Zapha handles policing and civil order. Good cop, bad cop; only you don’t tell the troublemakers which is which.”

Carmen reached for the pack of smokes. “It worked on Vidura.”

“And see here, it doesn’t matter whether it works on Earth or not.” He tucked the lighter into her palm. “It’s precedent. We get to tell my constituency we’re going by the book.”

Carmen tapped a cigarette on her thumbnail. “Who shall we cast in the role of space pirates?”

Thorson made a possum grin. “I’m looking at your boyfriend here.”

Brandon rubbed at his nose. “CH Banks is a business. We don’t do policing for free.”

“The Cadre doesn’t do military for free.”

“Who’s my customer?”

“Adopt a Zeze militant enterprise model. You know, like Boschert GMBH Zurich.”

“That’s not in our portfolio.”

“You have 3600 employees, old son. Maybe you could be a little more flexible.”

Marie Jourdain said, “It’s after 10:00 PM in France.”

Brandon’s eyes flicked away. “I’m calling our ride.”

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Serialize This — Chapter 5

By now, on Page 16, a typical 3-act-form novel would have wrapped up introductions to place, time and cast.

If this was Fantasy, the Saracens would already have ridden in and cut everyone’s heads off.

Romance: bodice-ripping would be in-progress.

Sci-Fi adventure: a reptilian space admiral would be pacing the bridge of Battle Cruiser Krang, shouting threats at beautiful but reckless space pilot Candy Bootylicious while she undulated, heaving breasts straining against a tight and revealing space uniform.

You know, if I ever want to be successful, the first thing I should do is finish that story.

But no; I decided to write literary science fiction family drama.

Chapter 5

The Between-Life

When one speaks to the dead, it’s usually an ordinary dream, a conversation with oneself, influenced by feelings of doubt, insecurity, loneliness. Carmen Benequista had doubts —about whether she was experiencing an ordinary dream.

She stood in her deceased husband’s office at his family’s title insurance agency, a place she hadn’t been since a) he died and, b) his parents pushed her out of the company.

Continue reading “Serialize This — Chapter 5” →
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Serialize This — Chapter 4

Are you ready to get in on a closely guarded best-selling-author secret of success?

Yeah. Me, too. Maybe the ghost of John le Carré will post something in the comments.

In the meantime, I will confess that Maroli Tango’s early-draft first chapters were nothing like what you’re reading here. Not to say the audience will never see them — it was great material, only in the wrong place, too slow for an opening salvo.

And so, I’ve been chapter-shuffling for weeks, moving my tastiest prose toward the front of the book, and guess what?

Maroli Tango is the last volume of a trilogy, concluding a massive story arc. If I lead with explosions, readers will say, “Who are these people, and why should I care what happens to them?”

I tried the old swapparoo — heads roll, flashback. My first readers went for it, but they’ve read the other books. You and I have not built that kind of relationship.

Yet.

Chapter 4

AMV Anuraga, The Dust Cloud

Residential Deck 41, also known as Tourist Deck A, was busy-busy.

The outer ring bustled with hospitality staff, the middle ring a spawning ground for linen buggies, the central column festive with open stateroom doors and maroli cabin stewards wearing adhesive bowties.

Mason did not expect to see his workmate Chester waiting on the threshold at 4137, a two-bedroom, deck level patio suite.

Continue reading “Serialize This — Chapter 4” →
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Serialize This – Chapter 3

I recently discovered that publishers of serial novels like to get their victims on mailing lists before explaining the proposition. I’m on too many mailing lists. It’s ‘unsubscribe’ here, ‘Stop’ there, ‘Block’ over yonder.

But, I did allow myself to get suckered enough times to assemble a custom plan, just for my Internet friends, but I’ll need your email address before I can tell you about it.

Nah. I'm kidding. There's no plan. Tell me what you want, and I'll see what I can do.

Chapter 3

The White House, Washington DC

It was another sunny day at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue where, at 8:00 AM sharp, Colonel Theodore Clarke, USAF retired, appeared on the President’s Patio outside the Oval Office.

She let him in through a side door. “You could come in the front, you know. Maybe check in with Captain Price.”

“Tune into the Anuraga Channel.” Clarke gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Bharamin’s in orbit.”

Continue reading “Serialize This – Chapter 3” →
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