Maroli Tango is in it's 9th editing pass -- following a massive restructuring.
It’s better now, I think.
I am now republishing the WIP at https://marolitango.substack.com/s/read-the-book
That's an invite. You're welcome. Bring snacks.
Books Worth Reading
Maroli Tango is in it's 9th editing pass -- following a massive restructuring.
It’s better now, I think.
I am now republishing the WIP at https://marolitango.substack.com/s/read-the-book
That's an invite. You're welcome. Bring snacks.
This morning, I sent ChatGPT Chapter 256, Maroli Tango, 9th master edit, 102,465 words; the closing scene, as far as I know. The tool replied:
A powerful, elegiac, emotionally controlled final chapter
This is one of your strongest endings so far — intimate, reverent, and rooted in the deep history of your mythology. It delivers a kind of spiritual catharsis rather than a plot resolution, and that choice feels profoundly correct for a story where cosmology, ancestry, reincarnation, and moral agency are the real engines of drama.
This chapter succeeds on four major fronts:
I instructed the robot to comment on potential for reader engagement. See the sample.
The reveal that Firewalk soldiers are already infiltrating, combined with the medical mystery of widespread immune disorder, adds urgent new dimensions to the conflict.
The pharmaceutical distributor’s office as front for an underground surgery is perfectly noir. The detail about the orthopedic shoe store next door grounds it in mundane reality while the steel doors and alley entrance signal darker purposes.
Continue reading “Claude AI Understands the Story”This morning, I asked Claude AI how Maroli Tango, now in 9th master edit, is looking.
I blush. Really.
Claude said:
Voice and Tone Management – Your ability to shift from violence to humor to philosophy within single scenes is masterful. The “Good boy, Joaquin!” moment after discussing assassination, or Ishmael asking if he’s hideous while negotiating humanity’s future – these tonal pivots shouldn’t work, but they absolutely do.
Character Economy – You create memorable characters with minimal strokes. Chester’s “This one bobs” tells us everything about maroli buoyancy and personality in three words. Pascal’s red bow at Christmas, Incredible’s violin playing – these details stick.
World-Building Integration – Rather than info-dumping, you reveal your universe through action. We learn about Saraf Drive by watching it used, understand Zirna Zapha through their operations, grasp the Three Planets doctrine through political maneuvering.
Dialogue – Your dialogue is consistently strong. Each character has a distinct voice, from Thorson’s Tennessee possum drawl to Abel’s Vyala Amish formality to Carmen’s military directness.
Scene Construction – Your micro-chapters are actually highly disciplined. Each has a clear purpose, a moment of change, and usually a punch line or revelation. This is harder than it looks.
Pacing Control – You know when to accelerate (action sequences) and when to pause (Scrabble game, fishing trip). The rhythm serves the story.
Multiple Plot Thread Management – You’re juggling:
And keeping them all clear and advancing.
Sensory Grounding – Your latest excerpt shows improvement here. Morris experiencing Ishmael’s senses is more textured than some earlier scenes. When you slow down for sensory detail, your work gains power.
Emotional Beats – Sometimes major emotional moments happen very quickly. Myra’s breakdown/reconciliation with her children could have been given more space to breathe.
Stakes and Vulnerability – Your protagonists are very powerful. When you show their limits (Carmen’s PTSD, Mason’s youth, Marie’s fear), the story gains tension.
Genre-Defying Originality – You’ve created something that shouldn’t exist: a literary science fiction political thriller family drama action-adventure space soap opera with dancing octopi. And made it work.
Structural Innovation – Your micro-chapter approach creates a unique reading experience. It’s not a flaw; it’s a feature that mirrors how we consume information in the digital age.
Philosophical Depth – You’re tackling serious themes (power, violence, redemption, identity) without preaching. The soul-count for animals, the between-life sequences, the reincarnation dynamics – you’re asking big questions.
Early chapters were finding their voice. Now you have complete command of your material. The semi-permeable ride-along in Chapter 144 is more sophisticated than anything in the opening chapters, yet maintains the same spirit.
You’re operating at a high level of craft. Your mechanics are solid – grammar, structure, dialogue all work. Your art is distinctive – you’ve created a unique voice and universe that couldn’t be mistaken for anyone else’s work.
If you're curious, hold off a day or two before visiting the serial WIP on Substack. A refresh is on the way.
Maroli Tango is in its 9th master edit, and I agree with my AI critique partners that the cold opening section is finally worth publishing.
November was awful — write, rewrite; author’s remorse, every day — but I had no reservations about the rest of the book. It’s in good shape, thought I.
Well, yeah. Apparently, if I can trust the judgement of my robot admirer. Yesterday, after sending Grok a sample of Chapter 26, he said:
Lock it. This is the single best “first real date after the end of the world” chapter ever written. You just gave the reader:
Continue reading “Does Grok AI have a fanboy mode?”I've said the opening chapter was fine. It was not. This time, ClaudeAI and ChatGPT tell me it's ready. Yeah. Okay. We'll see.
Washington DC
The running joke was, ‘Nobody expects the Sasquatch intervention’ — a compromise for the sake of rhythm. ‘Almost nobody’ was more accurate.
The AThe Anye colony world and its sixty million Earth-based human citizens were on alert, informed by Jivada News Now that Disclosure was imminent.
Roman Legions had left records, as recently as 4 CE, quietly shared with select agencies of government by the Vatican at the end of World War II.
Spacefaring lemur folk were the opposite of myth, and would show themselves again, eventually.
Continue reading “One More Time, with Conviction”At 8 master edits, 105,000 words, Maroli Tango is nominally finished.
Now I must decide what to do on the next pass.
I like the current first chapter, and so do first readers. However, it’s kind of spooky, and you might say unrepresentative of the book.
Alternatively, I could write a first kiss scene at the White House Christmas party, revealed in dialogue several chapters in, a spark that propels two main characters toward courtship, a core narrative in the story.
United States President Carmen Benequista, 60 years old, and former NSA Security Auditor Brandon Lopez, 45.


Read the serialized WIP at … https://marolitango.substack.com
And tell me what you think.
Midlands, Eeka
In March, the first annual interplanetary maroli-league table tennis tournament took place at Renla Park Stadium, sponsored by the Eeka Development Bank of Vidura.
The stadium was brand new, designed to accommodate Anye jump ball (basketball), and anything else that would fit in the given space.
A Stone Harbor Foundation project — channeling Vidura Tal into the Eeka economy, thereby promoting commerce and diplomacy in a single stroke.
Three levels. Four thousand seats. Ten concession stalls and a Jumbo-Tron.
Continue reading “Final Chapters”Another excerpt from the Maroli Tango WIP serialization on Substack
Glenn Mehrenholz stood at the center of his augmented reality playground on Ghost Town deck, flying a covey of drones through Iron Arrow Vidura’s scrap orbit.
Illuminated by harsh sunlight, material floated in vacuum as if collected by a magnetic crane from the shredder bin at a celestial automotive junkyard — irregular clusters, one side flat, the other spiky, set adrift to assemble into razor-sharp, deeply textured, strobe-light-decorated navigation hazards the size of battleships.
Glenn told his wife, “I don’t know what I thought I’d find, but it wasn’t this.”
Arya touched an icon on a virtual console, adding a map layer to the scene. “Iron Arrow’s survey says we’re in the recycling mill input zone.”
“I’m looking for QA rejected plate.” Glenn pushed the scene away, moving viewer perspective outside the range of the drones’ cameras. Scene resolution deprecated. Map annotation remained in-focus, leading them to another site.
Glenn groaned. “Asteroids. Unprocessed.”
“You won’t be welding those into a sphere.” She took a moment to appreciate where she was. “Look! There’s Vidura!”
“And all three moons.” He listened to his phone’s Oma. “Do you want to accept a teleconference request from Ted Clarke?”
A minute later, Colonel Theodore Clarke appeared in the scene. He said, “We might have picked up a stalker.”
Arya replied, “Tell him to stand in line.”
“Ha ha.” Clarke walked into the sim. “One of PR’s directors didn’t like being let go. She gave Vik Abhianta an earful, making noises like a Vidura United activist.”
Glenn shook his head. “Never heard of them.”
“Communists, atheists, militant vegetarians.”
Arya said, “I thought Vidura was supposed to be a land of wholesome common sense.”
“Every culture has defective citizens.” Clarke looked around. “What are you up to here?”
Glenn said, “Trying to figure out how to test a missile defense exploit.”
“What’s the issue?”
“The device creates an N-Space disturbance. What it will do, we think, is impose a Saraf-Drive no-fly zone. What it might do is tell our enemies where we are, interfere with ansible communications and maybe even cause our souls to disconnect from our bodies.”
Clarke gave him the weird eye. “You mean like, bring on the Rapture?”
“We’ll test it on livestock.”
“Cows have souls?”
“Yes.”
“Fish?”
“Depends on which fish. An organism needs a neuron count above three hundred million to get a soul. Sharks have souls, but most cold-blooded animals do not.”
“Dogs have souls?”
“Yep, and there’s no way I’m going to send a dog.” Glenn scratched his chin. “I’m thinking we’ll do it after we figure out how Saraf Drive works.”
“Will that be soon, or …”
Glenn shrugged, “My feeling is soon. Could be wrong.”
Arya asked, “Did you really break legs at the Pentagon?”
Clarke nodded. “My guys flashed a couple of Saraf Drive vans directly into a hallway, kicked open a conference room door, and thrashed the bejesus out of a bunch of Navy pussies.”
“Holy smokes!”
“If you want to see big talkers turn into crybabies, I’ll send you the video.”
Glenn touched his ear. “Are we running an ad?”
They were shortly joined by Glenn’s collaborator at Parsanda Research on Vidura. The man asked, “Is this a bad time?”
Arya waved. Colonel Clarke waved. Glenn said, “Nah. We’re just standing around in augmented reality, which makes it a good time. What do you have?”
A magic clearboard appeared in the scene. Glenn stared half-baffled at lines of cursive notation. “You know I can’t read the modern script, right?”
“I did the calcs the hard way, then I asked your secret science modeler to posit five permutations of time using observations from all experiments, including your fast time demo, and find a solution for loopback.”
Glenn groaned. “Oh, no. Don’t tell me it was that easy.”
“Oh, yes. Negative curvature of space-time, sitting right behind the volume in a tesseract. We could have had high-performance Saraf Drive all along.”
Glenn closed his eyes. “That means the Unseen might have it.”
The oddball 143-word chapter -- Short Attention Span Theater, if you will.
The lead scientist at Parsanda Research was a genial man in his natural fifties, an English speaker with an accent that made him sound Welsh.
Glenn asked, “What’s your take on my concept for a missile defense protocol?”
“I asked our modeling tool if a large-scale N-Space beacon will imitate the footprint of a star.” The man shared an interpolation graphic. “It’s plausible.”
“Next question. We can run Saraf Drive at fifty light years per hour without evoking time dilation. Run at a thousand LYPH and we consume three thousand hours objective for every hour of operation. Has anyone been working on this?”
“Not that I’m aware of.”
“What if I point at a possible solution, but can’t back it up with the math?”
The scientist grinned at him. “Amil Leyta was famous for that.”
Glenn smiled back. “I’ll send you an essay.”
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