Is it done yet?

This morning, I sent ChatGPT Chapter 256, Maroli Tango, 9th master edit, 102,465 words; the closing scene, as far as I know. The tool replied:


CHAPTER REVIEW — 256 ~ Dynasty

A powerful, elegiac, emotionally controlled final chapter

This is one of your strongest endings so far — intimate, reverent, and rooted in the deep history of your mythology. It delivers a kind of spiritual catharsis rather than a plot resolution, and that choice feels profoundly correct for a story where cosmology, ancestry, reincarnation, and moral agency are the real engines of drama.

This chapter succeeds on four major fronts:


Continue reading “Is it done yet?”

117 ~ Breakthrough

Another excerpt from the Maroli Tango WIP serialization on Substack

Glenn Mehrenholz stood at the center of his augmented reality playground on Ghost Town deck, flying a covey of drones through Iron Arrow Vidura’s scrap orbit.

Illuminated by harsh sunlight, material floated in vacuum as if collected by a magnetic crane from the shredder bin at a celestial automotive junkyard — irregular clusters, one side flat, the other spiky, set adrift to assemble into razor-sharp, deeply textured, strobe-light-decorated navigation hazards the size of battleships.

Glenn told his wife, “I don’t know what I thought I’d find, but it wasn’t this.”

Arya touched an icon on a virtual console, adding a map layer to the scene. “Iron Arrow’s survey says we’re in the recycling mill input zone.”

“I’m looking for QA rejected plate.” Glenn pushed the scene away, moving viewer perspective outside the range of the drones’ cameras. Scene resolution deprecated. Map annotation remained in-focus, leading them to another site.

Glenn groaned. “Asteroids. Unprocessed.”

“You won’t be welding those into a sphere.” She took a moment to appreciate where she was. “Look! There’s Vidura!”

“And all three moons.” He listened to his phone’s Oma. “Do you want to accept a teleconference request from Ted Clarke?”

A minute later, Colonel Theodore Clarke appeared in the scene. He said, “We might have picked up a stalker.”

Arya replied, “Tell him to stand in line.”

“Ha ha.” Clarke walked into the sim. “One of PR’s directors didn’t like being let go. She gave Vik Abhianta an earful, making noises like a Vidura United activist.”

Glenn shook his head. “Never heard of them.”

“Communists, atheists, militant vegetarians.”

Arya said, “I thought Vidura was supposed to be a land of wholesome common sense.”

“Every culture has defective citizens.” Clarke looked around. “What are you up to here?”

Glenn said, “Trying to figure out how to test a missile defense exploit.”

“What’s the issue?”

“The device creates an N-Space disturbance. What it will do, we think, is impose a Saraf-Drive no-fly zone. What it might do is tell our enemies where we are, interfere with ansible communications and maybe even cause our souls to disconnect from our bodies.”

Clarke gave him the weird eye. “You mean like, bring on the Rapture?”

“We’ll test it on livestock.”

“Cows have souls?”

“Yes.”

“Fish?”

“Depends on which fish. An organism needs a neuron count above three hundred million to get a soul. Sharks have souls, but most cold-blooded animals do not.”

“Dogs have souls?”

“Yep, and there’s no way I’m going to send a dog.” Glenn scratched his chin. “I’m thinking we’ll do it after we figure out how Saraf Drive works.”

“Will that be soon, or …”

Glenn shrugged, “My feeling is soon. Could be wrong.”

Arya asked, “Did you really break legs at the Pentagon?”

Clarke nodded. “My guys flashed a couple of Saraf Drive vans directly into a hallway, kicked open a conference room door, and thrashed the bejesus out of a bunch of Navy pussies.”

“Holy smokes!”

“If you want to see big talkers turn into crybabies, I’ll send you the video.”

Glenn touched his ear. “Are we running an ad?”

They were shortly joined by Glenn’s collaborator at Parsanda Research on Vidura. The man asked, “Is this a bad time?”

Arya waved. Colonel Clarke waved. Glenn said, “Nah. We’re just standing around in augmented reality, which makes it a good time. What do you have?”

A magic clearboard appeared in the scene. Glenn stared half-baffled at lines of cursive notation. “You know I can’t read the modern script, right?”

“I did the calcs the hard way, then I asked your secret science modeler to posit five permutations of time using observations from all experiments, including your fast time demo, and find a solution for loopback.”

Glenn groaned. “Oh, no. Don’t tell me it was that easy.”

“Oh, yes. Negative curvature of space-time, sitting right behind the volume in a tesseract. We could have had high-performance Saraf Drive all along.”

Glenn closed his eyes. “That means the Unseen might have it.”

Read the serial novel here.

Serialize This – Chapter 1

Claude AI says Maroli Tango is ready for publication — good news for all of us, I hope.

What would you pay, if anything, to read a 4th-edit WIP, 3,000 words per week? Would you value access to material excised for technical, rather than artistic reasons? How about exclusive desktop wallpaper? There could even be tee-shirts, although perhaps in the same sense of ‘There could be unicorns’.

Wait! You don’t have to tell me right now. I’m posting 7 chapters. Just, whenever you get around to it.

Chapter 1

Previously

When Carmen Luisa Colletti was a 12-year-old nosepicker in convent school, a Benedictine nun told her, “Boys have a tendency to be shallow, young men not much better. Wait it out, and use your brain to make a sensible choice.”

Continue reading “Serialize This – Chapter 1”

On Learning From Other Creators

A bit of advice commonly given to authors is that we should take a break from writing to read, on the presumption we’ll learn something useful.

But that’s never worked for me. I don’t want someone else’s story in my head when I’m writing, and breaks are taken for the purpose of moving around, not sitting. Aside from that, I rarely come across entertainment that captures my interest.

A brief exception was the Netflix series ‘The OA’, promoted as ‘An American mystery drama television series with science fiction, supernatural, and fantasy elements.’

Continue reading “On Learning From Other Creators”

Played out — John Dyer Writes

Earlier this year, I submitted my first-ever attempt at writing a screenplay to a smallish indie filmmaker, arranged through a service provided by Stage32. A producer had issued a call for coming-of-age stories, and my novel Silken Thread kind of fits. In 1960s Manila, an American teenager courts a CIA officer several years his senior. Novel here, screenplay here, if you’re curious.

Spoiler alert — I was not offered a movie deal.

I was told I’d written a novel but not a screenplay. Also …

  • The story is missing the exciting parts of the protagonist’s life until the last 20 pages (during which the hero almost dies).
  • The narrative structure should adhere to the three-act form.
  • The author should pay attention to story beats.
  • There’s not enough drama.
  • The author should ask the question, “Why would anyone want to watch this?”
  • The hero David Aarens is a person who never says ‘no’ to the challenges in his life.
  • The document layout does not “look like a professional screenplay” and I should use Final Draft as an authoring tool.
Continue reading “Played out — John Dyer Writes”

Screenplayed

I just finished a screen adaptation of my novel Silken Thread. 20,561 words, 118 pages.

Logline – In 1967 Manila, a Chinese-speaking Dutch-American teenager courts a CIA officer ten years his senior.

Here’s another sample.

The morning after.

23. INT. AARENS RESIDENCE FORBES PARK

The next morning. David sets a two-suit travel bag by the front door; he’s apprehended by Mrs. Li.

MRS. LI

Hushed voice; speaks <Mandarin>.

<Where you going so early?>

DAVID

<I’m meeting someone before work. Are my parents up?>

MRS. LI

She pinches him on the ear.

<There’s a girl, and don’t tell me there isn’t.>

DAVID

Clasps her hand in both of his.

<Maybe she lost interest already. I have to find out.>

MRS. LI

<Da Wei; she will break your heart, and so will the people who give you this job. Just like in China; this is how you have a refugee living in your house.>

DAVID

<Ma Li; their broken promises gave me you.>

MRS. LI

<Oh, you going that way, are you? You better not forget who raise you when I get too old to take care of myself.>

Kisses David on the cheek.

<Make sure she love you, then bring around to meet me.>

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