Tag: ebooks

Edited unto morbidity

When I posted this essay a few days ago, I thought I was done editing this chapter — that I’d be showing off what came of it and move on. Today, on December 20, 2021, after thirty-plus revisions over four different approaches, the headline is more appropriate than anticipated.

An engagement with editor Jon Oliver had produced the assessment that my novel-in-progress is in good shape, although not quite suitable as an entry point for new readers of Anye Universe material. The work needed, he said, a prologue.

Author/Editor Joan Dempsey advises against backstory-laden first chapters, but I thought to give it a try. Six-thousand-plus words and five different approaches later, I think Joan’s recommendation is the one I’ll go with. It was not a waste of time — usable material was developed, but it won’t go into a prologue.

For those interested in process, here’s the second-to-last draft. The last one contains text I’ll fold into the book.

Have you ever struggled with a first chapter? Tell me about it in the comments.
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Double-Played

What author hasn’t imagined seeing his novel played out on the big screen? I certainly did, and if you’ve been following this blog you know I took at stab at writing a film adaptation of my novel Silken Thread.

I paid a fee for script coverage, during which I learned it’s harder than it looks. And then, lesson in hand, I took another crack at it, which you can see on the Script Revolution website by the artful use of your mouse pointer (slightly left, please).

I’m done trying that – but what the heck, might as well put it out there. To say I’m satisfied with the second draft is a stretch, but it was an enlightening story structure exercise. To wit – it made me focus on the elements of storytelling and the value of the three-act form.

But I find that screenwriting is a) heavier on craft than expression and, b) focused on selling an idea to other artists, after which art may or may not be forthcoming. I might persist if I was looking for a job, which I’m not.

All that said, the effort might conceivably influence my approach during the editing process.

Are you a novelist? How much effort do you put into concepts like ‘beats’ and story models when you’re writing?

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Played out — John Dyer Writes

Earlier this year, I submitted my first-ever attempt at writing a screenplay to a smallish indie filmmaker, arranged through a service provided by Stage32. A producer had issued a call for coming-of-age stories, and my novel Silken Thread kind of fits. In 1960s Manila, an American teenager courts a CIA officer several years his senior. Novel here, screenplay here, if you’re curious.

Spoiler alert — I was not offered a movie deal.

I was told I’d written a novel but not a screenplay. Also …

  • The story is missing the exciting parts of the protagonist’s life until the last 20 pages (during which the hero almost dies).
  • The narrative structure should adhere to the three-act form.
  • The author should pay attention to story beats.
  • There’s not enough drama.
  • The author should ask the question, “Why would anyone want to watch this?”
  • The hero David Aarens is a person who never says ‘no’ to the challenges in his life.
  • The document layout does not “look like a professional screenplay” and I should use Final Draft as an authoring tool.
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Screenplayed

I just finished a screen adaptation of my novel Silken Thread. 20,561 words, 118 pages.

Logline – In 1967 Manila, a Chinese-speaking Dutch-American teenager courts a CIA officer ten years his senior.

Here’s another sample.

The morning after.

23. INT. AARENS RESIDENCE FORBES PARK

The next morning. David sets a two-suit travel bag by the front door; he’s apprehended by Mrs. Li.

MRS. LI

Hushed voice; speaks <Mandarin>.

<Where you going so early?>

DAVID

<I’m meeting someone before work. Are my parents up?>

MRS. LI

She pinches him on the ear.

<There’s a girl, and don’t tell me there isn’t.>

DAVID

Clasps her hand in both of his.

<Maybe she lost interest already. I have to find out.>

MRS. LI

<Da Wei; she will break your heart, and so will the people who give you this job. Just like in China; this is how you have a refugee living in your house.>

DAVID

<Ma Li; their broken promises gave me you.>

MRS. LI

<Oh, you going that way, are you? You better not forget who raise you when I get too old to take care of myself.>

Kisses David on the cheek.

<Make sure she love you, then bring around to meet me.>

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Screenplaying

A call for coming-of-age submissions on Stage32 motivated me to at least start on a screen adaptation of my novel Silken Thread. Here’s a trial opening scene formatted in a style emulating James Cameron’s script for the movie Aliens.

Fade In:

  • 1. INT. BREAKFAST IN THE AARENS HOME

Forbes Park subdivision, Metro Manila, July 1967. A spacious living/dining area with Danish Modern and Asian furnishings, high ceilings opening onto a lanai and garden. We meet a Dutch/American family of 3 served by a middle-aged Chinese woman. The teenage son arrives late, sits at the table.

DAVID AARENS

“Mom, Pop, Lao Ma.”

David addresses Mrs. Li in <Mandarin>.

<How are you this morning?>

MRS. LI

<Your father heard you come in late.>

She rolls eyes, pours tea.

DAVID

<Ouch. I thought I was being quiet.>

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Post-Vellum Euphoria

My novel Elbert was at 96,000 words, final chapters unsettled, manuscript no longer consistent with the outline. So, I went back to the beginning — in the expectation that a better understanding of where I started would suggest how the story should end.

After four laborious rewrites of the book’s opening act, the text was hitting 100,000 words, a surprise since I thought I was streamlining it. The good news — I know what I’m dealing with. Yesterday, I wrote:

“Elbert is a story about relationships, self-discovery, and the necessity of facing the future with courage and compassion.”
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Elbert is LIVE on Kindle Vella

The first 3 chapters are free! Act 1 is complete and edited. I'm sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for readers, so jump on out there!

In 1928 South Dakota, a retired country physician is made privy to Earth’s secret history and much, much more. There’s life on other planets, a family he didn’t know about, he’s getting younger, not older. Eighty-three years old, made stoic in attendance to the suffering of others, Doctor Elbert Holland Harrison thought he was waiting to die.

Now he’s waiting to live.

Elbert is a story about relationships, self-discovery, and the necessity of facing the future with courage and compassion.

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Captain Hook, or not?

I’m still considering the option of advance publishing Elbert on Kindle Vella. Now, after four editing passes over part one, the master arc is firmly defined, so it’s not much of a risk delivery-wise … but, the question arises as to whether it’s good enough that I won’t be embarrassed for having done it. Also, I can’t tell if I have a hook in the opening act.

What say ye – would you spend another 8 cents to read the second chapter?

Part 1 – Chapter 1

August 16, 1928 — The Lazy L Ranch, South Dakota

“Well, ain’t you a furry bunch of critters.” The trail guide, a human citizen of Jivada, shook hands all around, the picture-perfect American cowboy in chaps and Colt Peacemaker — expert at rounding up Anye tourists or whatever. “Now, in these parts, the natives might call you Sasquatch, Bigfoot or Wendigo — ‘cause they’ve seen you plenty, but don’t know what you are.”

Watching from the front porch of the lodge, nursing her first cup of coffee, Francine anticipated the punchline. And they’re not going to find out today, are they?

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