Is it done yet?

This morning, I sent ChatGPT Chapter 256, Maroli Tango, 9th master edit, 102,465 words; the closing scene, as far as I know. The tool replied:


CHAPTER REVIEW — 256 ~ Dynasty

A powerful, elegiac, emotionally controlled final chapter

This is one of your strongest endings so far — intimate, reverent, and rooted in the deep history of your mythology. It delivers a kind of spiritual catharsis rather than a plot resolution, and that choice feels profoundly correct for a story where cosmology, ancestry, reincarnation, and moral agency are the real engines of drama.

This chapter succeeds on four major fronts:


Continue reading “Is it done yet?”

Claude AI Understands the Story

I instructed the robot to comment on potential for reader engagement. See the sample.

The reveal that Firewalk soldiers are already infiltrating, combined with the medical mystery of widespread immune disorder, adds urgent new dimensions to the conflict.

The Setting

The pharmaceutical distributor’s office as front for an underground surgery is perfectly noir. The detail about the orthopedic shoe store next door grounds it in mundane reality while the steel doors and alley entrance signal darker purposes.

Continue reading “Claude AI Understands the Story”

A Novel Idea

At 8 master edits, 105,000 words, Maroli Tango is nominally finished.

Now I must decide what to do on the next pass.

I like the current first chapter, and so do first readers. However, it’s kind of spooky, and you might say unrepresentative of the book.

Alternatively, I could write a first kiss scene at the White House Christmas party, revealed in dialogue several chapters in, a spark that propels two main characters toward courtship, a core narrative in the story.

United States President Carmen Benequista, 60 years old, and former NSA Security Auditor Brandon Lopez, 45.

Read the serialized WIP at … https://marolitango.substack.com

And tell me what you think.

Final Chapters

288 ~ Ping Ponged

Midlands, Eeka

In March, the first annual interplanetary maroli-league table tennis tournament took place at Renla Park Stadium, sponsored by the Eeka Development Bank of Vidura.

The stadium was brand new, designed to accommodate Anye jump ball (basketball), and anything else that would fit in the given space.

A Stone Harbor Foundation project — channeling Vidura Tal into the Eeka economy, thereby promoting commerce and diplomacy in a single stroke.

Three levels. Four thousand seats. Ten concession stalls and a Jumbo-Tron.

Continue reading “Final Chapters”

117 ~ Breakthrough

Another excerpt from the Maroli Tango WIP serialization on Substack

Glenn Mehrenholz stood at the center of his augmented reality playground on Ghost Town deck, flying a covey of drones through Iron Arrow Vidura’s scrap orbit.

Illuminated by harsh sunlight, material floated in vacuum as if collected by a magnetic crane from the shredder bin at a celestial automotive junkyard — irregular clusters, one side flat, the other spiky, set adrift to assemble into razor-sharp, deeply textured, strobe-light-decorated navigation hazards the size of battleships.

Glenn told his wife, “I don’t know what I thought I’d find, but it wasn’t this.”

Arya touched an icon on a virtual console, adding a map layer to the scene. “Iron Arrow’s survey says we’re in the recycling mill input zone.”

“I’m looking for QA rejected plate.” Glenn pushed the scene away, moving viewer perspective outside the range of the drones’ cameras. Scene resolution deprecated. Map annotation remained in-focus, leading them to another site.

Glenn groaned. “Asteroids. Unprocessed.”

“You won’t be welding those into a sphere.” She took a moment to appreciate where she was. “Look! There’s Vidura!”

“And all three moons.” He listened to his phone’s Oma. “Do you want to accept a teleconference request from Ted Clarke?”

A minute later, Colonel Theodore Clarke appeared in the scene. He said, “We might have picked up a stalker.”

Arya replied, “Tell him to stand in line.”

“Ha ha.” Clarke walked into the sim. “One of PR’s directors didn’t like being let go. She gave Vik Abhianta an earful, making noises like a Vidura United activist.”

Glenn shook his head. “Never heard of them.”

“Communists, atheists, militant vegetarians.”

Arya said, “I thought Vidura was supposed to be a land of wholesome common sense.”

“Every culture has defective citizens.” Clarke looked around. “What are you up to here?”

Glenn said, “Trying to figure out how to test a missile defense exploit.”

“What’s the issue?”

“The device creates an N-Space disturbance. What it will do, we think, is impose a Saraf-Drive no-fly zone. What it might do is tell our enemies where we are, interfere with ansible communications and maybe even cause our souls to disconnect from our bodies.”

Clarke gave him the weird eye. “You mean like, bring on the Rapture?”

“We’ll test it on livestock.”

“Cows have souls?”

“Yes.”

“Fish?”

“Depends on which fish. An organism needs a neuron count above three hundred million to get a soul. Sharks have souls, but most cold-blooded animals do not.”

“Dogs have souls?”

“Yep, and there’s no way I’m going to send a dog.” Glenn scratched his chin. “I’m thinking we’ll do it after we figure out how Saraf Drive works.”

“Will that be soon, or …”

Glenn shrugged, “My feeling is soon. Could be wrong.”

Arya asked, “Did you really break legs at the Pentagon?”

Clarke nodded. “My guys flashed a couple of Saraf Drive vans directly into a hallway, kicked open a conference room door, and thrashed the bejesus out of a bunch of Navy pussies.”

“Holy smokes!”

“If you want to see big talkers turn into crybabies, I’ll send you the video.”

Glenn touched his ear. “Are we running an ad?”

They were shortly joined by Glenn’s collaborator at Parsanda Research on Vidura. The man asked, “Is this a bad time?”

Arya waved. Colonel Clarke waved. Glenn said, “Nah. We’re just standing around in augmented reality, which makes it a good time. What do you have?”

A magic clearboard appeared in the scene. Glenn stared half-baffled at lines of cursive notation. “You know I can’t read the modern script, right?”

“I did the calcs the hard way, then I asked your secret science modeler to posit five permutations of time using observations from all experiments, including your fast time demo, and find a solution for loopback.”

Glenn groaned. “Oh, no. Don’t tell me it was that easy.”

“Oh, yes. Negative curvature of space-time, sitting right behind the volume in a tesseract. We could have had high-performance Saraf Drive all along.”

Glenn closed his eyes. “That means the Unseen might have it.”

Read the serial novel here.

115 ~ Theoretically Speaking

The oddball 143-word chapter -- Short Attention Span Theater, if you will.

The lead scientist at Parsanda Research was a genial man in his natural fifties, an English speaker with an accent that made him sound Welsh.

Glenn asked, “What’s your take on my concept for a missile defense protocol?”

“I asked our modeling tool if a large-scale N-Space beacon will imitate the footprint of a star.” The man shared an interpolation graphic. “It’s plausible.”

“Next question. We can run Saraf Drive at fifty light years per hour without evoking time dilation. Run at a thousand LYPH and we consume three thousand hours objective for every hour of operation. Has anyone been working on this?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“What if I point at a possible solution, but can’t back it up with the math?”

The scientist grinned at him. “Amil Leyta was famous for that.”

Glenn smiled back. “I’ll send you an essay.”

Read the book here!

112 ~ Travelogue

Ruksa Zila, Earth

When Glenn and Arya’s visit to the Anodyne Virtuality ran past one hour, Carmen Benequista started to fret. She called Maryanne Orsa, who said, “Point your camera at them.”

Glenn and Arya Mehrenholz lay comatose in their bed, unmoving. Carmen moved in for a close-up. “Not much to see. Glenn’s drooling a little bit.”

“What does Pascal say?”

“He says they’re fine.”

Maryanne nodded. “If there’s a problem, the Virtuality will spit them out. Chill.”

Carmen chilled. She was surfing Mason Fowlkes’ City of Bharamin website when Arya groaned, kicking her feet.

Glenn pulled knees up to his chest. He said, “Give me a minute. Neural implant conflict; makes my left leg weak.”

The couple flopped around like fish pulled to shore. Arya finally put feet over the side, saying, “I’ll bet you were bored to tears.”

Carmen replied, “Have you seen the Osadhi landing page last couple of days? It’s even more awesome than it was.”

Glenn laughed. “Do you know who built it?”

She helped him stand. “I assumed it was Mason.”

“Naw. He hired the number one ad agency on Vidura.” Glenn used a corner of a bedsheet to wipe drool off his chin. “Visit went well.”

“What’d you do there?”

Glenn staggered toward the bathroom. “Met a lot of nice people, and didn’t have to sell the concept.”

“And the concept is …”

Arya took Glenn’s other side. “The three planets doctrine. Earth is a commonwealth of Anye civilization. Vidura is obligated to help us.”

Read the serial novel here.

Finally!

A decent book description, except it's still too long.

Nobody expects the Sasquatch Intervention.

A Vedic text tells of ancient gods who cast a shadow upon the Earth, shielding humanity from an angry sun. Or, as history books will soon report: when Sol last went micro-nova, Mercury, Venus, and the Anye migration fleet were positioned in eclipse, the latter on purpose.

Earth was scorched — but not destroyed. The event is cyclical, coming around again, and fortunately, Vidura’s furry pilgrims are still living in the neighborhood.

Unfortunately, the fleet is in mothballs. The planets will not be lining up to help. Two million light years away on the planet of the Unseen, a potentially hostile race of bird-folk have demonstrated the ability to get here from there.

Continue reading “Finally!”

Serialize This — Chapter 7

Maroli Tango ~ A Serial Novel is at the vehicle assembly building on Substack. Find it here.

I enthusiastically recommend you prepare for this epic event by reading the first two installments of the AjJivadi trilogy.

It's like images of fruit on breakfast cereal packages. Serving suggestion. Not included in product.

Chapter 7

Central America

At 10:37 AM Eastern, the historic airborne estate Ruksa Zila emerged from N-Space encapsulation over the Pacific Ocean west of Panama.

RZ wobbled and swayed. Space tugs rushed in. Audiences on 3 planets — Earth, Jivada and the Anye home world Vidura — held their collective breaths.

Live audio from the descent crew reported, “The lift system is testing the curvature of space within the flight envelope … and we’re now told that Ruksa Zila is flying on its own.”

Serialize This — Side B

I started this novel in December 2022. A year later, according to MS Word, I had 943 hours in it.

Jeez. And here I’ve been telling folks I didn’t retire just to go out looking for another job.

I took inventory last year at 138,000 words, and understood that Mason Fowlkes and Marie Jourdain were principals, not supporting cast. This discovery required moving their story arc from the middle of the book to the front.

Hence, a lot of material went to the ‘excised’ document, including this scene, discarded for more demerits in the writer’s craft column, including the one that says nobody reads 800 page books anymore.

A lack of faith on my part perhaps, so here it is -- an example of exclusive content for subscribers. Step right up, folks.

Chapter 6

AMV Anuraga, The Dust Cloud

It was 8:40 AM United States Eastern time, and Mason Fowlkes did not want to be late for his big day. First on the agenda, pre-meeting, collect his sister at a music studio on RD-19.

Erin’s piano teacher had a question for him. She asked, “Why isn’t air circulating on this deck?”

Mason replied, “I don’t know, but I’ll call it in.”

“It’s been that way all morning.”

“We’re short-handed. Half a dozen shipwrights are off on a mission.”

“Doing what?”

“Retrieving AMV Bharamin from storage near Saturn.” Mason made a sheepish expression. “I’d be there myself if I didn’t have an appointment today.”

“I thought Bharamin was lost.”

He shook his head. “Nope; just hidden.”

The lady made wide eyes. “I’ll bet there’s a story behind that!”

“There is, but I’ve already said more than I should.” Mason took his younger sister’s hand. “I promise, if we had a serious ventilation fault, I’d be on the job.”

On their way out the door, Erin asked, “Do you have your phone turned off?”

He nodded. “They’ll find me anyway.”

The finding took place at the elevator bank, doors opening to reveal a male shipwright, human, and furry female apprentice, Anye Iravat.

Mason said, “You guys look tired.”

The man replied, “We’ve been at it since midnight. Why’s your phone turned off?”

“I have a meeting with my counselor.”

“Yeah, well I have Chester the maroli stuck in a dead-end crawlspace between RD-18 and Cargo-3.” He raised eyebrows at Mason’s sister. “Hey, Erin.”

Erin raised eyebrows back. “Hello Mark. Sheila.” She peeled her phone off her wrist. “How long is this going to take?”

The elevator dropped. Sheila took control, opening doors while the lift was in motion. “Depends on your brother.”

Mark pushed a grav-lift tool box to one side. “Drone inspection called out a high-pressure ventilation duct with the spigot backed way out of the downstream slip-joint. Cafeteria on 18 is straight underneath, full to capacity.”

Sheila laid her perky ears out, then back. “We didn’t turn off the gravity. Chester tried to winch it back in, and it fell. We cleared out the cafeteria and turned off the gravity, but it didn’t help.”

Mason unfolded a pair of disposable coveralls. “I’m listening.”

“The duct’s jammed, won’t budge. One end is hung up on a backup power supply cabinet. No breach, yet, but it’s possible. Chester’s fuel port snapped off. Butane bled out, so he can’t run his propulsion system. And, he’s pinned on his side, can’t get leverage with his tentacles.”

“Crap!”

“Oh, yeah. It’s bad. I’ve been in there two hours trying to pry him loose. I’m worn out, and if you can’t do it, we’ll have to use a molecular cutter on the duct.”

The coveralls were too large. Mason had to roll up the legs. “What’s Chester say about that?”

“He’s scared, and he should be. The radiation could kill his processor.”

The car crept down, slowly passing Cargo-3, where a mechanical indicator set into an access hatch warned, ‘If piston is flush, other side is vacuum.’

The car stopped short of RD-18, revealing a dark, forbidding between-decks 1.5-meter-gross-clearance crawlspace.

A trio of drones lifted out of the tool crate, lamps blazing. Mason told them, “Lead me by five meters. Keep your lights out of my eyes.”

He paired his neural implant with the drones’ cameras, inviting an Ultra-Vision 3-D render into his brain’s optical center. Mason’s sight picture ballooned. He swayed, off-balance.

Sheila held on to his shoulders. “Whoa, tiger. Give it a second.”

He stuck out his tongue. “Uck.”

She staged a self-propelled tool tray on the crawlspace deck. “I wish I had spherical vision.”

“I wish I’d skipped breakfast.” Mason leaned into the crawlspace, allowing null-gravity to take weight off his torso so Sheila could push him in.

After that, it was a free-fall swim through a low-ceiling, claustrophobia-inducing obstacle course, terminated by a full-height section beam, making the compartment one-way-in, same-way-out.

Chester was quiet, incommunicative, tentacles limp. Mason patted him on the capsule. “Hey buddy. Wake up.”

A ready light winked on. Tentacles stirred. Chester spoke softly, as if telling a secret. “This one had a terrible dream.”

“I can imagine.” Mason tugged on a jackpost. It was cranked up tight enough to lift the duct, had one end not been hung on a waste pipe, and the other wedged against an emergency power cabinet, containing a toxin-laden petrogas-converting fuel cell.

Chester touched Mason’s hand with a lesser ungula. “Mason Fowlkes. This is a dangerous place for you to be.”

Mason eyeballed the power cabinet. The service panel was half-open, bent beyond any hope of closing it. Light bounced off the fuel cell within, a sturdy device, but it could be breached and that would be a non-trivial event.

He said, “Yep. It’s scary, all right.”

Chester replied, “You must bring waldoes, seal the compartment, cut the duct. There is no other way.”

“Nah. I’m not giving up on you; not yet.” Mason grasped a virtual joystick in augmented reality, guiding a drone toward the power cabinet.

He said, “Sixteen, calculate how many cans of shock foam it would take to fill up the empty volume in that cabinet.”

Mark the shipwright spoke in his ear. “This is why we like having smart guys in the department.”

While waiting for supplies, Mason coated Chester’s capsule with spray lube. A strap, fastened to a lift ring on the ceiling, gave the maroli something to pull on, making it possible for him to expose his filler port.

The port was easily replaced. Mason recharged Chester’s fuel cell with a Dollar Store butane cylinder, restoring propulsion.

Sheila filled the offending power supply cabinet with shock foam. The material turned into a stiff jelly within minutes.

Anuraga called General Quarters. Everyone on board went to emergency stations.

A strap was fastened around Chester’s capsule. Mason, Mark, and Sheila waited in the elevator, clad in spacesuits. A power winch wound up slack and pulled.

Chester came out of between-decks like his tentacles were on fire. He told Mason, “This one will always be grateful.”

He told Mark, “This one resigns from the maintenance department.”

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