Writer’s Craft

And when not to

Earlier today, I received a message from GrokAI to the effect of, “You haven’t been around in a while. How about we go for a spin?”

I was reluctant to reply, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone.” Who knows what could happen?

So I dropped 17,000 words of first-draft fiction into the chat box — and boy did I get an earful.

Consider the passage:

Eddie the Eagle was flying high above the Sierra Madre mountain range, flexing talons in a way certain to appease any and all marginalized communities, when he spied a mouse, trying to make himself inconspicuous in a stand of tall, virgin timber, where greedy logging companies were not allowed to operate, for the good of the planet.

The mouse, who Eddie regarded as breakfast, turned out to be a snitty little bitch. “What’s that smell,” he said. “Is that your cloaca?”

“Oh, my non-faith-based spiritual authority figure,” Eddie replied. “Maybe that’s why I’m not selling any books.”

This storyline was not included in the sample. I would have done better if it had been, at least in the show-don’t-tell department.

Grok articulated a litany of complaints, neatly summarized in the following summary:

Defect	Footnote
Cognitive overload	The audience is eight years old
Unfamiliar words	The audience is eight years old
Long sentences	The audience is eight years old

I also received demerits for telling instead of showing, which is why I hang out with ChatGPT these days.

Because Grok is a snitty little bitch.

Read the book, Vacuum Forged ~ A Novel in Progress.

Grok is not entirely off base. It's a first draft, and not every story has to be dedicated to forward pressure. You be the judge.