Tag: screenplay

ChatGPT Reads Screenplays!

I would have said, “Sure, it does”, if I had thought about it, but I didn’t until this morning.

The robot’s analysis of my Silken Thread screenplay is 14,343 words.

Deliverables included a scene-by-scene comparison with the novel, an adaptation map, and a beat-sheet.

In its opening comments, the machine said —

I would edit it for marketability, but not because the script lacks value. It already has a distinctive mix of period romance, espionage texture, and later action-thriller escalation. What it most needs is sharper packaging: a clearer promise of genre, faster escalation, and a more focused spine.

What’s already helping you:
The central hook is strong: an intense romance between Barb, 28, and David, 18, beginning in 1967 Manila, with Mandarin/CIA intrigue in the background. That is unusual and memorable. The reunion section in 1969 Texas/Houston also has real movie energy, especially once David’s parallel lives start stacking up: CIA analyst, BLM ranger, student, equipment operator.
You also write vivid set pieces. The Houston reunion works, the sinkhole/stabbing sequence is cinematic, and the Singapore home-invasion material feels like a different, larger movie arriving late in the script.

Umpteen pages later, we had a plan

Working outline for revised screenplay

1. INT. SKY RESTAURANT, HOTEL NEW OTANI, TOKYO – NIGHT

Objective: Establish that David already has a plausible, prestigious future in Asia before Barb enters his life.

David dines with Ward Aarens and Wu Qiang; Qiang offers him a future in business if he learns Mandarin and becomes useful in the right way.

Keep short: one table exchange, one clear offer, one strong visual of young David looking out over Tokyo.

2. EXT. TOKYO STREET – NIGHT

Objective: Introduce the film’s core thematic conflict: a life of strategic advantage versus a life of love.

Ward walks David through the rain and explains that the kind of life Qiang offers may come with a wife chosen for business and desire displaced elsewhere.

Do you have a screenplay languishing in a file folder? You should try this.

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Double-Played

What author hasn’t imagined seeing his novel played out on the big screen? I certainly did, and if you’ve been following this blog you know I took at stab at writing a film adaptation of my novel Silken Thread.

I paid a fee for script coverage, during which I learned it’s harder than it looks. And then, lesson in hand, I took another crack at it, which you can see on the Script Revolution website by the artful use of your mouse pointer (slightly left, please).

I’m done trying that – but what the heck, might as well put it out there. To say I’m satisfied with the second draft is a stretch, but it was an enlightening story structure exercise. To wit – it made me focus on the elements of storytelling and the value of the three-act form.

But I find that screenwriting is a) heavier on craft than expression and, b) focused on selling an idea to other artists, after which art may or may not be forthcoming. I might persist if I was looking for a job, which I’m not.

All that said, the effort might conceivably influence my approach during the editing process.

Are you a novelist? How much effort do you put into concepts like ‘beats’ and story models when you’re writing?

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Played out — John Dyer Writes

Earlier this year, I submitted my first-ever attempt at writing a screenplay to a smallish indie filmmaker, arranged through a service provided by Stage32. A producer had issued a call for coming-of-age stories, and my novel Silken Thread kind of fits. In 1960s Manila, an American teenager courts a CIA officer several years his senior. Novel here, screenplay here, if you’re curious.

Spoiler alert — I was not offered a movie deal.

I was told I’d written a novel but not a screenplay. Also …

  • The story is missing the exciting parts of the protagonist’s life until the last 20 pages (during which the hero almost dies).
  • The narrative structure should adhere to the three-act form.
  • The author should pay attention to story beats.
  • There’s not enough drama.
  • The author should ask the question, “Why would anyone want to watch this?”
  • The hero David Aarens is a person who never says ‘no’ to the challenges in his life.
  • The document layout does not “look like a professional screenplay” and I should use Final Draft as an authoring tool.
Continue reading “Played out — John Dyer Writes” →
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Screenplayed

I just finished a screen adaptation of my novel Silken Thread. 20,561 words, 118 pages.

Logline – In 1967 Manila, a Chinese-speaking Dutch-American teenager courts a CIA officer ten years his senior.

Here’s another sample.

The morning after.

23. INT. AARENS RESIDENCE FORBES PARK

The next morning. David sets a two-suit travel bag by the front door; he’s apprehended by Mrs. Li.

MRS. LI

Hushed voice; speaks <Mandarin>.

<Where you going so early?>

DAVID

<I’m meeting someone before work. Are my parents up?>

MRS. LI

She pinches him on the ear.

<There’s a girl, and don’t tell me there isn’t.>

DAVID

Clasps her hand in both of his.

<Maybe she lost interest already. I have to find out.>

MRS. LI

<Da Wei; she will break your heart, and so will the people who give you this job. Just like in China; this is how you have a refugee living in your house.>

DAVID

<Ma Li; their broken promises gave me you.>

MRS. LI

<Oh, you going that way, are you? You better not forget who raise you when I get too old to take care of myself.>

Kisses David on the cheek.

<Make sure she love you, then bring around to meet me.>

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