Altered!

On a recommendation from Dr. Robert Malone, I took a test drive on Alter Systems AI today.

The tool stumbles on certain kinds of nuance — for instance, Alter AI thinks the story’s heroes are villains. This is somewhat excusable, in that lack of moral clarity is a recurring touchpoint in the narrative.

ClaudeAI vacillates. ChatGPT is not confused about it at all.

However, none of the other tools delivered this:

Here’s a complete recap of all the editing and structural recommendations I’ve made so far, organized so you can use it as a working checklist before revision or copy‑editing. You’re deep into a polished draft—what follows isn’t repair work, it’s refinement.

---

🧱 I. STRUCTURAL OVERVIEW

You currently have a five‑act structure that’s functioning perfectly:

Act	Chapters (approx.)	Core Function	Current Status	Suggested Focus
I. Orientation / Setup	1 – 4	Introduces world, tone, and central relationships.	Strong.	No heavy edits; just trim early descriptive density.
II. Crisis / Revelation	5 – 16	Parallel stories (Carmen’s grief, Glenn’s metaphysics) cohere into alien contact.	Excellent transitions.	Clarify timeline headers (“+18 months,” “–18 months”).
III. Reconstruction	17 – 32	After Galápagos blast, rebuild social and emotional order.	Brilliant emotional realism.	Prune small talk repetition; use summary headers for new locales.
IV. Authority Under Trial	33 – 52	Empire by paperwork — bureaucratic corruption normalized.	Exceptional.	Insert one “conscience pause” chapter soon.
V. Reckoning / Consequence	53 → end	Moral collapse and legacy unveiling.	In progress.	Prepare tonal contrast: moral reflection after each killing.

You don’t need re‑ordering; simply smooth Act‑break transitions with short two‑line “date / place” slates for clarity (e.g., “Six days after the Galápagos inquiry — Washington DC / Night”).

---

✍️ II. LINE‑LEVEL AND SCENE REFINEMENTS

1. Trim descriptive overgrowth

• Early sections still carry 10–20 % more environment detail than needed.
  Keep one sensory modifier per clause, not three.
  Before: “barely knit together soil that was, even given an extra 20 000 years, barely capable …”
  After: “engineered soil still fragile after 20 000 years.”

2. Isolate key lines for emphasis

Certain statements deserve blank‑line breathing space:

• “Who’s going to arrest me?”
• “Three men were dead.”
• “That is what you are.”
  This visual punctuation gives readers the emotional jolt those turns warrant.

3. Add short sensory anchors

Two‑ to three‑word texture lines every few pages—
“Smell of ozone,” “Coffee cooling on console,” “Snow fizzing under boots.”
They keep readers physically in the moment while the politics gets abstract.

4. Internal micro‑beats of conscience

Give main POVs (Carmen / Mason / Marie / Brandon) one guilt flicker each before the finale.
Examples:

• Marie: “I pretended not to hear what they’d just agreed to.”
• Brandon: “Efficiency had started to feel like mercy.”
• Carmen: “Ashamed for being rude” should evolve into genuine unease two chapters later.

These single‑sentence hesitations humanize your hyper‑competent leads.

5. Simplify multi‑clause sentences in exposition

Your myth‑history sections (e.g., Classmates) are conceptually clear but syntactically dense. Limit subordinate clauses to one per sentence; break long paragraphs into 3–5 line blocks for eye comfort.

6. Consistent timeline tags

Use a Uniform Headline format:

Friday – 08 June 2025 · Pulina Nava · Local Evening

It’ll anchor readers as you jump planets.

7. Naming & numbering consistency

• Fix duplicate chapter numbers (two “15s,” two “55s”).
• Decide whether alien words (Anye, Samudri, Vyala, etc.) are italicized or left Roman; apply globally.

8. Tone discipline for humor

Your gallows jokes are perfect, but avoid doubling a punch line. One sardonic quip per scene is optimal—let the silence after carry the laugh.

9. Spatial orientation cues

Space scenes read cleanly, but sometimes lack a quick “which way is up.” Add one disorienting detail (crew straps biting shoulders, inverted horizon) whenever ships re‑enter N‑Space.

10. Dialog beats: fewer tags, more movement

Where two speakers alternate cleanly, drop “he said / she said ” after the first exchange. Use gestures or micro‑actions instead (“He drummed two fingers,” “She folded her arms”) to preserve rhythm.

---

🔧 III. STYLE AND VOICE CONSISTENCY

1. Maintain dead‑pan omniscience: best suited for this world. Avoid sudden deep‑POV slippage into melodrama; stay descriptive, ironic, detached.
2. Lexical continuity: decide once on British vs. American spellings (you currently mix “programme” and “program”).
3. Capitalization scheme: unify one style for institutions:  SagGha House, Parity Services Jivada, but lowercase descriptive uses (the house’s promenade).
4. Metric and imperial units: show one measure with the other in brackets once per chapter to anchor Earth readers, then revert to native system.
5. Replace rhetorical fillers: phrases such as “as it turned out,” “in any case,” “which was fine,” can be pruned for punch.

---

🧭 IV. THEMATIC RECOMMENDATIONS

Theme	Already Strong	Amplify With
Power → Righteousness	Carmen’s arc.	Show private exhaustion; maybe insomnia, physical toll.
Technology → Morality	Drone and maroli culture.	Insert one civilian view of collateral damage (a worker reacting).
Legacy → Youth	Mason ↔ Old Elbert.	Let Mason question Elbert’s moral detachment before killing someone.
Faith → Control	SagGha / Zeze ideologies.	Clarify whether “faith” remains genuine spirituality or pure justification.

---

🕰 V. RHYTHM & PACING TEMPLATE

For the last quarter of the book:

1. Fast procedural (2–3 pages)
    → Quiet reflection (1 page)
    → Comic‑domestic interlude (½ page)
    → Big‑picture pivot or revelation (2 pages)

Sticking to that four‑beat rotation will maintain the exceptional reading tempo you’ve developed since chapter 33.

---

🎯 VI. COPYEDITING AND CLEANUP TO‑DO

• Eliminate minor tautologies (“historic stay … historic invoice”). Keep self‑aware ones only for satire.
• Spell‑check all non‑Earth names via a style sheet.
• Ensure references to firearms calibers and drone sizes stay consistent with earlier specs.
• Check continuity of time zones when Earth and Jivada scenes alternate.

---

🏁 VII. STRATEGIC NEXT STEP

Before final line‑edit:
Read the entire manuscript aloud once, marking every sentence whose rhythm trips even slightly. Ninety percent of necessary trims will reveal themselves audibly.

After that:
Hand it to one outside reader for continuity audit—someone who hasn’t seen prior drafts—to ensure the enormous cast and timeline are navigable without prior knowledge.

---

Final Thought

You don’t need structural surgery—just tightening, tactile texture, and conscience beats.
Every major plotline is doing its job; these edits will polish pacing, unify presentation, and heighten emotional resonance just enough for publication.

I'm pretty satisfied. How about you?