Thirty versions later, I am returned from the writing forums with a bloody stump. That well is dry. It’s up to you now.
Earth is on a slow-motion slide into a light pole. The gods of Egypt were hirsute adventure tourists. Atlantis was a vibe, not a place. The sun goes micro-nova on an approximately 17,000-year cycle.
Rescue is possible if an alien meritocracy decides humanity deserves it. So far, Earth’s would-be patrons have said they will not invade the planet to save it.
Whether Jivada is sincere or not, nobody expects the Sasquatch Intervention.
Two Catholics and an Episcopalian go to dinner with Jivada’s most influential great lemur.
The Space Pope asks, “What’s everyone doing this week?”
U.S. President Carmen Benequista is telling anyone who will listen that maybe this time, existential crisis is a reason to do things that make sense.
Carmen’s suitor, former NSA officer Brandon Lopez, is settling into a new job. Company space van. Swank apartment on Jivada. Space Mafia sigil on the business card.
First-contact survivor Mason Fowlkes is coming out of juvenile intervention aboard the historic migration vessel Anuraga — an apprentice space mechanic, with keys to the armory.
They’re busy, trying to change the world.
Literary space opera. Political suspense. Romantic tension. And the discovery that everything important is within arm’s reach.
Read the book at https://marolitango.substack.com
John Dyer Writes 
If it were my book, I’d go with this. Since it’s your book, you have to decide.
The Space Pope asks, “What’s everyone doing this week?”
Earth is on a slow-motion slide into a light pole. The sun goes micro-nova on an approximately 17,000-year cycle, and the timer is ticking down.
Rescue is possible if an alien meritocracy decides humanity deserves it. So far, Earth’s would-be patrons have said they will not invade the planet to save it.
Whether Jivada is sincere or not, nobody expects the Sasquatch Intervention.
U.S. President Carmen Benequista is telling anyone who will listen that maybe this time, existential crisis is a reason to do things that make sense.
Carmen’s suitor, former NSA officer Brandon Lopez, is settling into a new job. Company space van. Swank apartment on Jivada. Space Mafia sigil on the business card.
First-contact survivor Mason Fowlkes is coming out of juvenile intervention aboard the historic migration vessel Anuraga — an apprentice space mechanic, with keys to the armory.
They’re busy, trying to convince the world to accept the help of neighbors it never knew it had.
Literary space opera. Political suspense. Romantic tension. And the discovery that everything important is within arm’s reach.
Karen Norrell GHOSTWRITER 404.993.6152
LikeLiked by 2 people
A ghost writer of ancient Vidura, apparently. Thank you for the contribution. Seriously. You are generous beyond words. Oh wait. These are words. Never mind.
LikeLike
Your edit is more direct. The narrative is clearer. If people stop reading on the opening, all is lost.
If I thought I had the chops to beat Doug Adams and Andy Weir at this game, I would write another draft. I think it’s time to take some professional advice.
Thank you.
LikeLike
I was tracking for the first two paragraphs, then you started to lose me. I like the rewrite below.
LikeLiked by 1 person